Hello there! I have to inform you that out of the sudden some of my pictures in the old posts are gone and replaced by a really-not-interesting forbidden sign. I already tried to renew the html code but it still wasn't working. I'm not a tech savvy, so the only option left is I have to reupload the pictures one by one. I'm still working on it now. Apologize for the inconvenience. Cheerio!

December 4, 2014


I almost forget that today's the last day of me being 22. But I didn't forget that I have something to share here..

When I was a kid, I really want to grow older. I remember that I always want to be 13. But then 13 happened and it suck. So I thought I want to grow older and faster. I want to be 17, because here in my country, 17 means you're old enough to have an ID. So 17 came... and gone.

11.10 PM
When I was 17, I was one of those smart-yet-not-boring kids at school. I played hookey (most of the time), but I still successfully keep my grades great, my days were amazing. The only thing bothers me was how to make my crush pay attention at me.

So I want to be 19. Because most of my favorite artists were 19. Because I think 19 means you're not really a teen anymore, you're just right in the middle of being an adult. You're almost there.

11.18 PM
Unfortunately, I chose a darker path to celebrate my 19... and as I grow older, I didn't grow wiser.

I always love the idea of birthday... but I guess it was the day I hated my birthday.
I might looks fine and all smile, but deep down, I cursed that day.
Maybe that's why I start to make a birthday wishlist.
To try to forget my mistakes.
To ease my sadness away with things.
To cover my remorse with something temporary.

I always cry on my birthday.
Because I hated it.
I hated myself.

11.25 PM
Almost three years has gone now..
One night last month, I've had a breakdown and felt sick with all this poignant self-loathing.
I want to feel the real happiness.
I want to be happy.
But how do I feel happy with and for myself if the only person who hate myself the most is me?
I need a help.

So I took a step forward and went for a counseling.
When I start telling my story and hear it all out loud with my own voice, I realized how devastated I am. It amazed me how I could still alive from everything I've been through. I was a shipwrecked. I can't stop crying for almost three hours.

My shrink shed some tears with me. She listen and pay attention to every detail of my life. And at the end of the session, she prayed for me and hugged me. And with that, I knew that I finally left the dark path behind me and will never came back.

11.41 PM
It's not an easy decision to tell your story to someone who once a stranger. My shrink and I were friends now. She introduced me to a lot of nice and friendly people, who she believes will help me be in a right track. But I won't lie by telling you that I feel happy right afterward. There are times when I thought my shrink was so annoying, or that I don't wanna meet her again, heck, I even stopped going for a while. But, God, she was so patient, that when I finally showed up, she came to me and hugged me and we spent the whole day having lunch and chatting together. She didn't judge me. She didn't hate me. She didn't left me... like others would.

11.52 PM
I am thankful that God gave me the time and opportunity to chose the right path. To think about it now, I am wonderstruck by how He work in a very mysterious and wonderful way. If He didn't put me here alone, right on time, perhaps I might not come clean yet.

On why years ago He let me take a dark path, I believe the answer is hidden somewhere and when the time is right, I'll find it on my journey that leads me to an understanding.

11.57 PM
This is the closure.

I forgive you.
I forgive every single one of you.
And if I ever bring up your name again, trust me, it was only to share my stories. I will never hate you again. Because the last time I did, it destroyed me, not you. So why should I hate you again? I love myself more than ever now.

11.59 PM
Thank you for the memorable years, God.
I think it's fair to say that this year, not only I grow older, I also grow wiser.
And these tears right now is not full of hatred.

12.00 PM
Thank you for loving yourself, Ann.
Thank you for keeping your three promises up until now.
Thank you for finally be brave.
Happy birthday!

"Rain came pouring down
When I was drowning
that's when I could finally breathe
And that morning
Gone was any trace of you
I think I'm finally clean."
— Taylor Swift - Clean

November 27, 2014

The (Mandatory) Birthday Wishlist

I'm going to be 23 next week. Just like growing old, making a list of things I want as birthday gift (or basically any kind of gift) is unavoidable :p There's no harm on making it, aite? So here it goes..

  • The Guardians of The Galaxy action figure set. I have no idea whether it is available in Indonesia or not, because I never see the whole set yet. Image courtesy of Marvel.
  • Sony Walkman NZW-E464. Gosh I put this on my 22nd birthday wishlist and I still haven't bought it yet.
  • Adidas NEO Jazz Shoes. Unfortunately it is not available in Indonesia.
  • Alice Red from Ciciero Bag. Currently in love with messenger bag and this one is really roomy.
  • Taylor by Taylor Swift Musical Edition.

  • Sherlock: The Casebook. Available on here.
  • Sherlock: Chronicles. Not available in Indonesia yet, but it's up on here.
  • Doctor Who: The Vault. Available on here. It was really pricey but I guess it's worth it.
  • Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. The English paperback is available in two versions on Kinokuniya and Gramedia. It's on the top of the list of my favourite book for now.
  • Tangled action figure set. Available here.
  • Eleven, Clara Oswald, and the TARDIS action figure. My most favourite Doctor and companion, sadly they are unavailable in Indonesia.
  • Doraemon and Nobita SHF. Been wanting them for months! Their faceplates are so cute! Also available on some forums in Indonesia.
  • Last but not least, as always, a birthday cake. This will be my first birthday away from my family, so I think I'm going to buy a birthday cake and blow the candle on my own. Even the tiniest one would cheer myself up. I hope I can find a TARDIS cake like this somewhere.

July 24, 2014

MOVIE // Oculus (2013)

"You see what it wants you to see."

Sutradara : Mike Flanagan
Skenario : Mike Flanagan & Jeff Howard

Saya bukan penikmat film horor. Film horor terakhir yang saya tonton adalah The Conjuring dan menurut saya sangat biasa-biasa saja. Karena itulah saat saya memutuskan untuk menonton Oculus, saya tidak berekspektasi apa-apa. Jujur saja, alasan saya untuk menonton film ini hanya karena 1) cukup banyak review yang mengatakan bahwa hasil editing film ini sangat cantik, dan 2) Karen Gillan.

Oculus merupakan film horor psikologi yang tidak 'kurang ajar' seperti film horor kebanyakan. Jika film horor lain rata-rata mengutamakan adegan dimana si setan tiba-tiba lompat ke layar, maka berbeda dengan Oculus. Si jahat di film ini cukup 'sopan', tidak mengagetkan, dan berwajah cukup ramah dibandingkan film-film horor lainnya. Agak bingung untuk memulai review tentang film ini darimana, karena scene dan storyline-nya yang lompat-lompat. So lemme try...

Kaylie Russel (Karen Gillan), yang berkerja pada suatu perusahaan pelelangan, menjemput adik laki-lakinya, Tim Russell (Brenton Thwaites) yang baru keluar dari penjara karena membunuh. Kaylie kemudian menagih janji Tim kepadanya sepuluh tahun yang lalu, untuk memusnahkan sebuah cermin. Kaylie telah mempersiapkan rencana yang sangat rapi (dan canggih) untuk memusnahkan cermin tersebut. Satu-satunya yang menghalangi rencana mereka hanyalah sang cermin.

Sepuluh tahun yang lalu, Alan Russell (Rory Cochrane) dan Marie Russell (Katee Sackhoff) baru saja pindah rumah. Little Kaylie (Annaline Basso) dan Tim (Garrett Ryan) sedang sibuk bermain. Pada dialog-dialog awal diungkapkan bagaimana Marie merasa cermin yang dibeli dan diletakkan Alan di ruang kerjanya sedikit anti-mainstream.... and the story goes.

Keanehan mulai terjadi. Dimulai dari Kaylie yang melihat sosok wanita sedang merangkul Alan di ruang kerjanya dan Marie, with all her insecurities, berasumsi bahwa Alan menjalin hubungan dengan wanita lain. Anjing mereka, Mason, pun menjadi korban pertama dari rumah keluarga Russell. Mason dikunci ke dalam ruang kerja Alan dan lenyap... ini merupakan pernyataan yang dipercayai Kaylie. Sedangkan Tim percaya bahwa Mason sakit dan dibawa oleh Alan ke dokter hewan, namun Mason tidak bisa bertahan.

Semua scene yang saya ceritakan di atas terjadi secara bergantian. Pada scene pertama, kita akan bertemu dengan keluarga Russell sepuluh tahun yang lalu. Scene selanjutnya berganti ke masa sekarang. Selanjutnya berganti lagi dengan scene dari sudut pandang Little Kaylie atau Tim. Teknik penceritaan yang 'bertabrakan' inilah yang menjadi senjata dari Oculus. Mike Flanagan melakukan proses sunting film dengan hasil yang sangat memuaskan sehingga penonton dapat melahap dua buah cerita yang memiliki rentang sepuluh tahun di saat yang bersamaan.

Perbedaan pola pikir dan sudut pandang menjadi salah satu sajian yang sangat menarik dari film ini. Cermin tersebut membutakan psikologis setiap calon korbannya. Mulai dari Kaylie yang merasa dia melukai dirinya, Tim yang merasa dia pergi meninggalkan rumah, dan masih banyak lagi asumsi-asumsi yang cermin tersebut berhasil selipkan ke alam bawah sadar, bukan hanya Kaylie dan Tim, tapi termasuk juga saya.

  • Secara cerita, saya yakin bukan hanya saya yang bisa menebak ending dari film ini. Anehnya, saya masih merasa sedih saat sampai ke akhir film. Sekali lagi, ini film horor psikologi, mungkin emosi saya sudah terpengaruh sepanjang menonton film ini.
  • Karen Gillan is so bad ass. Pertama kali saya menikmati akting Karen Gillan adalah di serial legendaris Inggris, Doctor Who. Peran Karen sebagai Amelia 'Amy' Pond yang digambarkan sebagai gadis biasa (minus the whole time-traveler thingie) membuat saya penasaran bagaimana jika Karen diletakkan sebagai pemeran utama di film horor psikologi. Hasilnya... sangat menarik. Karen memerankan Kaylie dengan cemerlang. Scene saat Kaylie menendang pot bunga without skipping a beat, saat Kaylie menggigit 'apel', bertemu dengan tunangannya di rumahnya, dan masih banyak lagi, Karen sukses menggambarkan bagaimana psikologinya tercabik antara kenyataan dan halusinasi. Oh dan aksen Scottish Karen benar-benar tersembunyi!
  • Brilliant editing! Film ini seolah menyajikan dunia paralel pada rumah keluarga Russell. Suara teriakan little Kaylie seolah menjadi bisikan Kaylie pada Tim. Suara dentuman pintu, penampakan, bahkan suara tembakan dari sepuluh tahun yang lalu bisa menjadi sama dengan masa sekarang.
  • Ide cerita yang out of the box. Oculus tidak menakuti melalui penampakan atau efek-efek pasaran lainnya, tapi melalui permainan psikologi.

  • Seperti film horor di pasarnya, Mike Flanagan meninggalkan akhir cerita terbuka sehingga penonton hanya bisa berasumsi. It could be a good thing, but for me in this case it is not. Masih ingat kan di atas tadi saya menyebutkan bahwa saya merasa sedih..
  • Alur cerita pada awal film terkesan lamban. Untungnya saya masih bisa terdistraksi dari kebosanan melalui teknik editing yang menarik dan dialog-dialog cepat Kaylie. Pada tengah film, saat cerita semakin menarik, karakter semakin terbangun, dan misteri semakin banyak, tiba-tiba alur kembali melambat. Rasanya sudah tidak begitu menarik lagi.. mungkin karena semua 'senjata' sudah terlanjur keluar di awal cerita. Sayang sekali.. karena saya mulai menyukai film ini.
  • Kaylie Russell hanyalah satu-satunya karakter yang membekas karena akting yang memukau. Lain halnya dengan Tim Russell, yang walaupun memiliki porsi sama besar dengan Kaylie, namun tidak begitu membekas. Saya malah lebih tertarik dengan Marie Russell yang bisa berubah dari an insecure wife into a beast and then a loving parent. Padahal porsi Marie Russell tidak begitu banyak.
  • Ayunan ponytail Kaylie pada bagian awal film membuat saya jadi rindu dengan rambut panjang saya :p

all pictures from here